Lost in the sun.

People talk too much and don't listen enough.

 Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.

 facebook and myspace are such weird concepts. why do people care what other people are doing every second of the day? and why do people who updated their facebook status 5 times a day think that people really give a shit about what they are doing? is our generation just completely obsessed with themselves and think that everyone should be obsessed with them too? I just don't get it...

the whole world has gone poker crazy.
i wish i didn't live with girls.
i have been REALLY enjoying my sarah time recently. can't get enough of it.
procrastination has come back around.
don't know why i'm posting in this. (probably because i'm procrastinating and looked at facebook status updates so much that i'm memorizing them.)
school is blah.
life? sure.
need change.
need beauty.
need art.
need to create.
need to find an internship.

go watch phoebe in wonderland.

Get out of my head.
I don't want to think about you.
Why does life remind me about you constantly?

I really don't give myself enough credit.
I'm capable of more than I think.

sarah, the recluse.
who would rather sit at home than go out.
doesn't really make much sense to me.
but then again what has?

Romeo and Juliet:

Wake from your sleep,
the drying of your tears,
Today we escape, we escape.

Pack and get dressed
before your father hears us,
before all hell breaks loose.

Breathe, keep breathing,
don't lose your nerve.
Breathe, keep breathing,
I can't do this alone.

Sing us a song,
a song to keep us warm,
there's such a chill, such a chill.

And you can laugh a spineless laugh,
we hope your rules and wisdom choke you.

And now we are one
in everlasting peace,

we hope that you choke, that you choke,
we hope that you choke, that you choke,
we hope that you choke, that you choke.

 i have been having very strange thoughts recently. 

ha. take that LJ. i didn't post an angst-ridden, emo novel like i usually do.
what is your purpose now?

i'm so out of touch. with everything and everyone. i feel myself slipping into this slump and i'm not doing anything about it. and i'm just letting it happen. and i'm really trying to care that it's happening but i'm not sure i can care.

i need some people back in my life that aren't in it anymore. i'm really not sure what happened. and i feel like it's my fault we aren't friends anymore.

i need a late night summer talk at four bridges complete with cigarettes and coke icees.

i guess i don't cope well with people changing and things changing as much as i thought.

So i'm not sure why, but i feel like i have significantly smaller amount of friends in college as i did in high school. I'm not sure why? Maybe it was easier to make friends in high school because i was way more involved? I don't know, but it kinda bugs me. I used to have so many friends that if one of them let me down or bailed on me for some reason it didn't matter, but now i would be sitting alone on a friday night if someone bailed on me. That's over reacting a little bit, but still you get the point.

I think my personality has changed a lot. I kinda miss my fun-loving self. I think in the past few years I've grown into this stressed out person and always really aware about what other people think of me. I don't think that i used to be this way. Maybe i'm just making all this up in my head? I just feel like i don't have a lot of friends.

Also, i've always had a best girl friend, and i really don't feel like i have one of those anymore. I look around and mostly all my friends that are girls do. They have that one friend that they are so close with. They can always rely on them when everyone else around them fails them.

Maybe i'm putting to much emphasis on other people? I think the reason i have less friends is because i began to realize I just needed myself, because I'm the only person that can make me truly happy. But with this attitude I think i shut out people more than i have in the past.

Sorry for the whiney post, just need a place to reflect sometimes.

i hate writing because when i write i realize things that i don't want to know. things that i'm feeling that i didn't realize before and now they're on the surface and i can't get it out of my head. but then isn't it better to know? if what you were feeling is on the subconscious level then that means it was there it had just not been acknowledged. so how does that change anything if now you know what is wrong? nevermind, i can't think about this anymore. overanalyzing.

you'll follow me back with the sun in your eyes
and on your own.
Bedshaped
and legs of stone.
you'll knock on my door
and up we'll go.
in white light
i don't think so.
but what do i know?
what do i know?
i know.

Change is good. If i didn't change my life every now and then i think i'd go crazy. Change keeps me on the edge and allows me to feel like I'm living.

I think I am a way different person than I thought I was. But is this just a product of change? I wasn't always this way and I changed into who I am now? or this part of me has always been with me but i haven't noticed it until now?

New Years resolution:
To be a better friend.
AND
To not run into any unmoving objects with my car. (because i did this too many times in 2008)

Memphis is so boring!!
I can't wait to come home tomorrow. 
Things I'm looking forward to because they have pretty much been the only things getting me through this break/trip to Memphis:
Jake's for New Years. Pretty much going to be THE shit.
Then going to Gatlinburg to stay at the new cabin!!
After G-burg I'll be in Chatty for 5 days and then back to Belmont. Thank god.

note to future and/or current sarah:
don't abandon things that used to make you happy.

so, i owned bio today... and by owned i mean probably got a B or C but believe me that's pretty much own-age in bio world.

oh exams... now that biology is over i feel pretty much home free, even tho i have 3 more exams left.

blah blah blah. i feel like i should have something more interesting to say. but i don't. so onward with some vague-ness.

so, not looking forward to a few things coming up in my life. pretty much i'm scared shitless about them.
not even sure if i'm looking forward to not being in school. i kinda like school and studying and learning... i know kinda strange right?
i AM looking forward to spending some quality time with some chattanooga people.
i have been kinda unhappy with some things in my life in the past week. just kinda discontent about life.

so, yes excuse the ambiguity. i know that some people might actually still read this journal and that's why i am so ambiguous.